I will be 23 weeks along tomorrow and it will also be the five year anniversary of my mom's death. Umph. I already journaled about my so many feelings. I won't get into those here. I plan to wallow in the car ride to work by listening to sad songs that remind me of her. Tracy Chapman's The Promise and James Taylor's You Can Close Your Eyes are good ugly-cry songs, FYI.  Maybe it only works if you've lost someone close to you. I can't not cry listening to them.

On another note,  I've we've decided on a full name for the baby: Felicity Marie. I feel the need to get it out in public, or in writing, lest someone steal it from my mind. I know a lot of pregnant women -- at work, friends, and family members -- so there's a very real and delusional fear in my mind that any day, one is going to tell me that she named her unborn daughter Felicity Marie and then I will hide my disbelief and anger by saying, "That's great!" Let it be noted: we have dibs. No one else ever can name their kid this name, minus all the many people who already have.

I wanted to honor my mom somehow with our daughter's name. I knew I wanted her first name to be Felicity. I've loved that name since I received the Felicity American girl doll in the second grade. It wasn't just that melodramatic late nineties, J.J. Abrams show, which I also adore and own. Eugenio bought it for me on our four month anniversary. As in, we were dating exclusively for four months, and he gave me the entire series as a commemorative gift. I thought, "Damn, he's for real serious." That was a huge aside. As I was saying, I wanted to honor my mom somehow. Her name was Norma Jean (yes, my mother was Marilyn Monroe), so I was thinking Felicity Jean would work, but it doesn't flow well. My mom was super Catholic. Like, we had rosary beads in the bathroom drawer growing up so we could grab them during a storm, lock ourselves in the bathroom, and say Hail Marys while all the other children played in the rain. My friend Sarah will tell you a funny story about the first time she spent the night at my house in the 4th grade. "Hanna, what are we doing?" Sh!! Pray. Mom wanted all of our middle names to be some version of Mary. My middle name is Marie, common as it is. I figure, Mom would approve of it for Felicity. So, done: Felicity Marie it is. It sounds good yelled out loud, too, for those first and middle name situations. Felicity Marie, I said, bring your momma some more wine!