Do Better

I need to do better. I feel lethargic and boring -- like when you have too much freedom, and get too much sleep. Too much is too much and not good. I'm not (always) lazy; I do things, but my perfectionist heart is dying for more obligatory To-Do stress, rather than the can I afford to eat? or is car insurance really necessary? variety.

That said, I'm also pretty busy. I'm not sure if I can squeeze a job in right now. I get eight to ten hours of sleep each night (for the first time ever). I run, read, and write. I wash and fold laundry, make dinner, and I watch bad, I mean Bravo, TV. I read a wide variety of news (omg!, Perez Hilton, The Onion, Oprah.com, etc, etc), since diversity of information is important. I volunteer at the animal shelter. Each day I learn un poco mas espanol. I open and read all my mail before throwing it all away. I keep a clean apartment, paranoid that one pile of mess will lead to an apartment worthy of an episode of Hoarders. I brush my teeth at least three times a day. Sometimes I floss. I never forget to wear sunscreen (anymore). I contemplate life. I'm comfortable and relaxed and I don't wear a bra when I'm alone, which is most of the time.

My schedule is done at a leisurely pace. Which is nice and not nice all the same. I feel unaccomplished and as if my ambition is suffocating. I have friends in law school, medical school, and graduate school, as well as friends with real jobs, and my roommate-slash-fiance is a doctor. I don't have a job or even a real skill set -- not that I believe my life worth is measured by competitive comparisons -- and I can't even give blood (I've tried several times). I have a business degree, which is more useless than a liberal arts degree, in my humble and broke as hell opinion. Most of my university classes (and classmates), aside from the non-major classes, left a bad taste in my mouth. I have no desire to capture consumer surplus or to increase the bottom line or to manage a consistent brand image, and I don't want to sell high or even buy low. I can't even convincingly lie about this cacophony in an interview. It's even harder to play the part when the job is part-time and low wage. "Why do you want this job?" the interviewer asks, with a too high pitched voice and a condescending smile. Because I just LOVE working for minimum wage while ruthlessly selling store credit cards to enslave people who can't afford the heavily marked up branded products that they'll quickly lose interest in but then return for more!" *smile back*

If anything, four years of business school made me a reluctant consumer and a cynical optimist. That's my unmarketable skill set. But of course, college is much less about the classroom curriculum and more about really learning. Why I feel deflated and lethargic right now, has probably more to do with a lack of inspiration. I remember being very moved by ideas and possibilities and people during all my school years. To make the best of life, I would like to regain my former ambition while unemployed. I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing such. If it's on sale somewhere, I obviously can't afford it.

*A pause to think.*

I think I just wasted a few paragraphs to say that I want to do more stuff...for free. I had what Oprah calls an a-ha moment, otherwise known as an epiphany, otherwise seen as something pretty obvious.

Make the most of my unemployement to-do list

1. Explore my new city: I haven't been to a museum here, and I don't even know if there are any, but I imagine there should be, and I imagine there are free-to-the-public days. Also, I love to run and hike at parks, but I haven't explored any public parks here in Orlando, mostly because I try to avoid the sun, because I feel like skin cancer every time I step outside. I'm on a no-sun kick, which I should probably get over in spirit of life, vitamin D, and getting off the treadmill, literally and figuratively.

2. Volunteer more: I volunteer once a week at the animal shelter, but I should expand my horizons. I would love to work at the library again, so a good start might be volunteering.

on that note...

3. Get a library card: I can't believe I haven't gone to the library yet! I don't even have a library card! Gosh, I'm getting excited thinking about going to the library now. I do have a minor fear of driving in Orlando, though, but I shall add that to the Get-Over-It list.

4. Maybe I should learn the bus system here? I remember getting lost all the time using the bus system in Austin, which was a good way to learn. One time I took the bus to Town Lake to run with a friend. We took the wrong bus to get back, and ended up on the other side of town, at night, with a lot of drunk, seemingly crazy people. When the driver stopped to take a fifteen minute break (Here?! Now?!) I casually asked him if the bus was going back to campus. He just laughed and said "You got on the wrong bus, didn't you? You scared?" I don't necessarily want to end up lost at close to midnight, wearing nothing but skimpy running clothes again, but that was a fun experience, learning to read the bus signs.

5. Make friends: perhaps I will with number 4. But really, I should get out and make more friends. I've met some people at church, but no one near my age and immaturity level. I made friends at the animal shelter too, but aparently I can't take them home with me.

I'll end my list here, but will continually think of ways to be a better unemployed citizen. Do share any ideas. : )