The first trimester exhaustion is back. Everyone says this cliche, even I did, "It feels like I've been hit by a truck." Or sometimes I think we say train. Either way, I'm sure being hit by a large, fast moving vehicle would be much worse; we'd all be dead. But that's all to say that, I'm feeling rull tired again. Lethargic. Everything is too much. Like this morning after getting dressed I noticed a penny-sized hole on the right leg of my stockings,no  pantyhose,no tights. Even the thought of changing into another outfit made me want to lie down for a minute, so here I sit, writing because reading my work email seemed too tiresome, with a hole in my tights. Also, my hair is wet. I have 15 minutes before I have to start talking to other people through faux enthusiasm.

An odd thing about feeling exhausted by this pregnancy, is I still manage to run jog/waddle every morning. I have the energy to do that, but then everything else feels like stumbling forward through heavy wind. I went to the mall with Eugenio yesterday. Normally the mall is an exercise in maintaining sanity, even more so when I'm sweating with bloated feet and I'd rather be anywhere else curled up in a ball. I made the mistake of telling Eugenio that I was going to the restroom once again and that I'd meet up with him when I'm done. He was looking for shorts in Macy's. I couldn't find him as easily as I imagined and became irrationally panicked, calling him 4 times in a 15 minute period and sending 3 text messages. "Donde estas?" I beamed; Spanish is always more chipper. Then, "Where are you?" Ending with, "I'm getting tired looking for you, I'm going back downstairs to sit on the couch by the women's dressing room."  I knew better than to leave a voice mail message. When I become impatient I loose my ability to speak. I once left him a whiny message, which I've heard replayed about 50 times, that went something like, "Where are you?! You have my thing! I need the thing to open the thing! Ugh!" I was so flustered I couldn't think of the word "card" and "gate." Whenever we are in the middle of an argument, Eugenio will pull out his phone and replay that message over and over again. I never like hearing my recorded voice, much less my whiny, flustered, idiot recorded voice. Where was I going with this? Yes, I was at the mall, which was exhausting and now I am at work which is also stupidly daunting...

I'm not so much complaining of lethargy as taking note. I'm trying to savor these last couple of months, as I'm told this is the calm before the storm. You think you're exhausted now, just you wait, sister....

Last night I dreamt that I gave birth to a watermelon.  Eugenio and I were alone and completely panicked -- our baby was a watermelon. I scooped out the inside of the melon, I guess hoping to find the baby, and, in a moment of relief, the bottom rind started pulsing.

"It has a heart beat!"

But then we realized that there's no way this watermelon was going to make it as our baby. Solemnly, we threw it away. Then we had to pack up our apartment and move to Oklahoma.

What a nightmare.

PS: Did I mention we're moving to a small town in Oklahoma a few weeks after Felicity is born? I'm getting a minivan too! Just kidding about the minivan. I just like saying that. A minivan would be an improvement for me, anyhow.  

After I awoke from my dream, I went running, showered, ate breakfast, got ready for work, hauled ass to my car, then realized the time was 10:30 and I don't work until noon on Sunday. I'm going bananas already. So much to do to prepare for this hopefully-not-a-watermelon baby and crazy, crazy move to Oklahoma. Not really to do, we can only do so much -- shop for shit, build it, hire a moving company, etc -- but more like, so much to process. In less than 3 months I will have a child and then an Oklahoma driver's license. (Actually, let's be real, I won't get around to that for awhile). What is my life? I'm most nervous about the move, despite all the comments about how I will never sleep ever again with a kid, but I guess it doesn't matter where we live, we'll be too tired to notice...????

Queue I Dreamed a Dream with Anne Hathaway. I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living...


Just kidding! It will be great! We're getting a king sized bed!

Let me be an adult with perspective. Honestly, I just want a healthy baby. I'm so nervous about that. (Did you know pimple cream, along with anything else you fail to ask about, is off limits in pregnancy. I didn't until about a week ago. Shit!) The move is just a blip on my lifetime. I'll move to Utah and join a cult of polygamists with really long hair and homemade dresses, just no watermelon baby, please. 

I received a sample of a large pad in the mail. I see I've been moved to a new marketing bracket. This will fit nicely in my droopy drawers. Thank you.

I've tried several times, but I just can't do it. I can't stand to have the windy, greasy hair smell wafting towards me. How do you not wash your hair every day? Hair dressers are always saying its healthier for your hair, but it's just too gross.

Here's to another day of feeling like a greasy mess. Like the shower I took this morning was pointless. I've heard people talk of training their hair, like it's the Olympics, but I guess my hair is just too damn lazy for that. I'm throwing in the towel again. Don't even talk to me about dry shampoo, because no me gusta, for real.

This has been a very important update.

And it's chilly in Orlando! 48 degrees. A gift from the Universe in celebration of day that I was expelled from my mother's uterus 28 years ago.

It is my birthday. This is on the table but I have instructions not to open the gifts until I get home from work tonight, so Eugenio can be there too. He left for work at 7. So far it's been a great day. I slept a full 8 hours. Sleeping through the night after days of not doing so is such a cosy relief. 

I drifted to sleep last night around 11 after Eugenio left to go to the hospital to see a patient. He was just about to finally get into bed too. He's been on call this weekend and it's been busy. On top of having to be there every morning by 7:30, he takes calls all through the day and night, ensuring that he gets little sleep. He never complains. He's a hard worker, very concerned about his patients, doesn't sleep because of it, obsesses over their charts, goes to the hospital late in the night to see them when other doctors probably wouldn't.

I have no idea when he had time to get my gifts and I feel unworthy. I was just looking forward to eating a 10 inch sandwich from Which Wich and crunching on the pellet ice that they have afterwards.