Last night I dreamt that I gave birth to a watermelon.  Eugenio and I were alone and completely panicked -- our baby was a watermelon. I scooped out the inside of the melon, I guess hoping to find the baby, and, in a moment of relief, the bottom rind started pulsing.

"It has a heart beat!"

But then we realized that there's no way this watermelon was going to make it as our baby. Solemnly, we threw it away. Then we had to pack up our apartment and move to Oklahoma.

What a nightmare.

PS: Did I mention we're moving to a small town in Oklahoma a few weeks after Felicity is born? I'm getting a minivan too! Just kidding about the minivan. I just like saying that. A minivan would be an improvement for me, anyhow.  

After I awoke from my dream, I went running, showered, ate breakfast, got ready for work, hauled ass to my car, then realized the time was 10:30 and I don't work until noon on Sunday. I'm going bananas already. So much to do to prepare for this hopefully-not-a-watermelon baby and crazy, crazy move to Oklahoma. Not really to do, we can only do so much -- shop for shit, build it, hire a moving company, etc -- but more like, so much to process. In less than 3 months I will have a child and then an Oklahoma driver's license. (Actually, let's be real, I won't get around to that for awhile). What is my life? I'm most nervous about the move, despite all the comments about how I will never sleep ever again with a kid, but I guess it doesn't matter where we live, we'll be too tired to notice...????

Queue I Dreamed a Dream with Anne Hathaway. I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living...


Just kidding! It will be great! We're getting a king sized bed!

Let me be an adult with perspective. Honestly, I just want a healthy baby. I'm so nervous about that. (Did you know pimple cream, along with anything else you fail to ask about, is off limits in pregnancy. I didn't until about a week ago. Shit!) The move is just a blip on my lifetime. I'll move to Utah and join a cult of polygamists with really long hair and homemade dresses, just no watermelon baby, please.