I wrote the following last Friday night and didn't post it because I was in the still self-aware stage of tipsy after drowning my shallow sorrows. Now that I'm completely sober and over it, I'm like, lolz, I have very few eyelashes. *blink blink*

I wish I could have taken a snapshot of our romantic bathroom scene: Eugenio spending 30 minutes delicately pulling practically super glued eyelashes out of my eyes with tweezers while I cried about what a lousy excuse of a drag queen I am because I thought it would be cute to get eyelash extensions on a whim at the nail salon while gettin my cuticles trimmed until I saw myself in the mirror and hated them. My face was overwhelmed by eyelashes. I could barely keep my eyes open. I looked drunk. It wasn't cute. I tried to trim them, fucking dem up, then I tried to pull 'em out, pulling out my formerly present, natural eyelashes as well until Eugenio in all his calmness took over. Silver lining is I saw myself cry for the first time, since all this took place in front of the mirror, so I won't be doing that ever again. Crying -- also not a good look! I can see advertisers getting on that: pills to prevent crying. No wrinkles, long lashes, rocks for abs, melons for tits, has no feelings, never scrunches her face and cries -- the perfect fembot.

I keep trying to try in the beauty department and I'm learning -- if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Haha just kidding, I wish I had that kind of Kanye confidence. But for real y'all, no more impulse beauty buys for me. No more hair or eye weaves.

K, tomorrow gotta find out how to rock the no-eyelashes look...Just in time for the in-laws.

Wait. This reminds me of the time my mom accidentally cut off all her lashes in one eye using an eyelash curler in the 90s. I remember her screaming that day too. I was eight. I thought it was hilarious. I would mock her by using my hand to mime eyelashes for one eye. If she were here now, I'd call her up so she could return the pointing and laughing.