At long last, my ass in sitting in a chair, at the kitchen table, in front of the laptop. I may have to switch my blog to Tumblr, though I think this one is prettier, because it's easier to post quickly from my phone. I spend a lot of time on my phone these days...

Rul quick, before I get rolling, let me say, I probably won't have time to edit this like, at all, so don't hate on the mistakes...

So my new boss is a real piece of work. Love her to death. She sharts all day long and doesn't give a f*** ( I feel the need to censor myself now? WHHHHYY??? Ugh). She's the reason I haven't had a chance to sit in a chair in front of a laptop to type. Very needy, this lady. She eats non stop and keeps gaining weight, but she can afford to gain a few. Without further ado:

Welp, never mind. I was going to upload a photo, but the internet here is so damn slow.

Fuck a duck, I sense I'm being summoned again. Quick update: in the past two months I had a baby and drove across the country with my husband, said newborn, and MIL in a teeny car (NEVER. AGAIN.), and spent my time figuring out this new job. My breasts got ginormously, freakishly huge and I cried and cried for days (they eventually went down a little, praise the lord) and anyone who saw me in the first few weeks post partum was treated to the big titty show because I still haven't figured out to feed my kid discretely and eventually stopped caring, almost. I'm a stay at home milk dispenser for the time being. Felicity, child of mine, is a smiley, happy baby. I can't complain, though the first few weeks were "fun."  We finally have that welcoming king sized bed I've been fantasizing for the past four years. It even has a head board! So grown up. But I sleep on an air mattress in Felicity's room. LOL LOL LOL

And that's all I have time for today. Sad face. This wasn't the post I was hoping for. I've written so many witty updates in my head in the wee hours of the night. So many. You're missing out. Sorry.